“Don’t take your love away from me. Don’t you leave my heart in misery. If you go then I’ll be blue. Cause breaking up his hard to do – Neil Sedaka
I love Neil Sedaka’s song, Breaking Up Is Hard to Do. Although the words seem to be true, they shouldn’t be. Break ups are a natural process of most relationships and should be simple. So why do we have a hard time letting go? Is it love, obsession, fear? Sometimes it’s because of financial hardships, anger, embarrassment, children, age, or simply unanswered questions/unfinished business – no closure.
Take some responsibility for your part, even if you don’t think you did wrong, and move the hell on! There are two sides to every story – yours and theirs. Who cares who’s at fault? Blaming never got anyone anywhere.
Lots of time, we spend more time in the depressive recovery period of a broken heart than we did in the actual relationship that broke our heart. Even when he/she leaves us, sometimes we hold on to the hope of possibly reuniting. Maybe admitting you’ve come to the end of the road will help you to crossover to the other side. You have to crossover in order to move forward and possibly connect with someone else. It takes less time to start another relationship then to pine over someone who ended one. And you know it would be more fun!
Most times, we fear he/she was the best we’ll ever have. We fear that we’ll NEVER find another like him/her. Maybe you won’t, but do you really want someone else who’ll break your heart? Maybe, just maybe, you’ll meet someone who believes you are the center of their universe and treats you like the king or queen you are. Fantasia’s song, Lose to Win, says it all. When walking away from a painful or unfulfilling relationship, you could run a love marathon and come out as the victor.
Spend this alone time to work on you! Figure out what you want and what’s important. Fill the break up void with positive things. Take a vacation, spend time with friends and family – preferably those smart enough not to talk about the ex. Go back to school, work on your career, get a haircut/highlights or a manicure – better yet, get a mani/pedi. Start exercising, do yoga, read, go to church or whatever, as long as you don’t stay in bed or sweatpants, eating cake ice cream, and wallowing in misery.
Don’t be a victim to the drugs! Love is just a chemical based mixed cocktail in our brain – dopamine, phenylethylamine, norepinephrine and serotonin. Oxytocin is thrown in to deepen the bond and strengthen sexual arousal. No wonder it’s hard for us to realize that sometimes letting go is good thing. After all, love is akin to any addiction. Break up withdrawals are hard, physically painful and takes a long time to heal.
We’re human so yes, time is needed to analyze and process in order to get to the good riddance. Lady Chatterley said, “It’s terrible, once you’ve got a man into your blood!” I say, it’s time for a blood transfusion.
Let’s “chatt” again soon!